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Watch What To Do

“Whenever I don’t know what to do, I watch what I am doing.”

 ~  Elizabeth Strout – author:   “Oh William!”.  

The line jumped at me ~ so I pondered ~ then reinterpreted ~ first in the context of the story. Later had an ‘OOOHHHH’ moment ~ and thought about it some more. What I came up with was adding 2 words to my contemplation:  “….think I.  Those two words I mentally added in the above sentence brought me clarity and I realize I have bamboozled myself ~ alot ~ when faced with choices. ‘Whenever I [think I] don’t know what to do, I watch what I am doing.’  Huh.  And …Wowzer. Ooops – Proof is in the pudding, so to speak.

This quote is simply another take on the adages “it’s not what you say that counts, it’s what you do”  or “actions speak louder than words,” “talk the talk or walk the walk,”  and even “do as I say do; don’t do what I do.”  Ha! 

The ‘watching what I do‘ all the while protesting ‘I don’t know what to do‘ is a form of self-manipulation with this clearer understanding. As I BS myself (a crasser phrase than ‘bamboozle’ ~ yet meaning the same thing) I find that thinking / acting / being ‘confused’ and ‘uncertain’ and even ‘without a clue’ are simply scapegoat phrases that I use to try to convince (first) myself and (then) others of my purposeful indecision ~ for whatever multitude of reasons I have stored in Mind. And … upon further honest exploration … in those sneaky little recesses in sub-conscious. (Screw unconscious Mind ~ that sucker’s on it’s own!  Hahahahaha!

My ‘Word’ for this year 2022 is Integrity.  Dagnabit!!  Keeps getting in the way of cutting-myself-slack ….because I really DO know what it is I want to do, have, be, and all the excuses and platitudes and reasons why-not I may speak now sit yucko in the gut. (Sigh. : )  The truth shows up in what I’m doing.  The day-to-day in-and-out behaviors and steps I take (or don’t take, truth be known.] Things as simple as what clothes to put on, socialize or ostracize, giving a quick ‘I don’t know’ answer. Blatant semaphores of my now-current truth. Yikes.

Let’s take this pony for a further ride:

Strout went on to have a character say “I have thought about this, Lucy, I have thought about this a lot, and I would like to know – I really would like to – when does a person actually choose anything. You tell me.  Once every so often – at the very most – I think someone actually chooses something otherwise we are following something – we don’t even know what it is but we follow it.” 

I believe ‘we’ DO know what ‘it’ is… follow what ‘we’ want… (identified or not), put self on auto-pilot, and simply don’t get honest and acknowledge it. How ’bout them apples!

Mainly, many individuals are afraid of OPOs (Other People’s Opinions), especially in this time of mincing around language for fear of….  ‘They’ won’t approve … I might offend …. they will think less of me …. they will think I’m lazy / compulsive / uncaring / a Trump supporter / a romanticist / rigid / crazy / lackadaisical / not ‘woke’ enough (or wish I’d go back to sleep – ha!) / a Biden supporter / “need to” follow a keto-plantbased-mediteranian-paleo-Nordic-fruitarian-twinkie diet / don’t care about the rights of koala bears / don’t agree the sky is falling / and … fill-in-your-own-personal-blanks now. Whew. 

No wonder folks just trudge along, doing what they’ve been doing. Simply to keep others happy. Hahahahahahaha!!! (And how’s that workin’ for ya? You’re the one with ulcers, high blood pressure, GERD, high-sugar, IBS, insomnia, CRS, low- {or high-} grade depression, migraines, and bladder leakage. [A metaphorical magical way to say ‘well, piss on it/’em.] Huh.)  They’re just peachy-keen. Or …. hmmmm … are they? Seems they too have the same issues because they are trying to keep their pertinent OPOs happy. Vicious, vicious circle. Deeply sad state of affairs, in my humble opinion.

So. Wanna know what to do? Pay attention. Watch (observe) what you are doing throughout a day. Actually doing. (Again, that includes the not-doing.) Expand that observation to a weekend, a week, ooohhhh… a month. It WILL answer the question of ‘gee…I don’t know what to do.’  In spades. ‘Cuz you’re doing it.

Pssst…. I am too!

Namaste’    Lin