“The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them.”~ Ernest Hemingway.
Trust. A VERY big issue going on in this world today.
Huh. It’s kinda sad that “trust” is even considered an ‘issue.’ Yet it is. Globally, nationally, locally, and personally. Macrocosm reflects microcosm. “As within, so without.”
I’ve been ‘dealing with’ some trust-issues of my own recently. Greater clarification has come as I re-Minded myself (from years, and years …. and years of teachings – and learnings) that Boundaries play an integral part in the act of Trust. It IS required that I know what my boundaries are, that I trust myself to uphold them, that I communicate them clearly (and kindly) (and steadfastly) to others while affirming them to Self. Mentoring to others how I wish to live, how I wish to be treated, how I wish to treat them. (Wish, hell! How I want and choose to live, be treated, treat them. Ain’t no “wishing” about it.)
Boundaries, like trust, are about me ~ not ‘you.’ They are the recognition of where-the-‘I’-begins. Where the ‘you’ does not have permission to intrude or cross. Early in the recovery/discovery journey I had a l-o-n-g list of “my boundaries (by god!).” As inspection and introspection, healing and knowledge grew over time, I found I had less need for countless boundaries-by-god. The ones that have remained are core beliefs ~ my beliefs, not yours. And that’s okay.
Boundaries are not walls. Sometimes they are fluid ~ a silk-scarf-drifting-on-the-breeze fluid. (Not wishy-washy; simply adjustable to a situation or person). ‘Don’t mess with the flower garden’ bends a bit when the 5-year-old brings in a fistful of flowers – and a big grin on their face ~ to say “I love you.” ‘This is my sacred time’ eases when a close friend reaches out for the first time with their grief. Fluidity and flow ~ based on circumstances.
Other boundaries are firm. ~ a caveat. Held true. Basically, core belief regarding how I choose to live my life with my honor and integrity intact. Mine ~ not your’s. You have your own. As it is meant to be.
As for Trust ~ well …. this is not a fluid situation. Either I do, or I don’t. Personally, for me, (redundancy intended) Trust is not something “that has to be earned.” Occasionally, my choice to trust-first gets a kick-in-the-pants. Depending on the level of trust-violation, I’ll tend to give it another ‘go’ ~ as everyone has an “oops” occur. (Myself included.)
H-o-w-e-v-e-r ….. if it occurs again (and again??) it’s imperative to recognize two things: One – it’s actually their ‘stuff’ that creates their behaviors and trust-violations, and two I am the one who has continued to trust and re-trust despite ‘evidence to the contrary.’ I, in essence, thus violated my own boundaries. (Huh ~ sneaky how that works!)
I’m taking some time to pause. Reflect. Breathe. Get Spirit-centered. Listen to the Muses. Have more communication/conversation. Encouraging myself to recognize change-does-happen. Even my own.
Actually, kinda curious to see what happens!!
Namaste’ to you.