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“A lot of people think or believe or know they feel — but that’s thinking or believing or knowing,  not feeling. …..  Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel.  Why? 

Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people; but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.”

~ e.e. cummings – 1894-1962. 

It has been an interesting couple of weeks:  gathering data ~ meeting people ~ surveying what were homes, businesses and properties still (8 months after the fact) in the throes of demolition or extremely slow reconstruction on the 5-mile stretch of the village known as Mexico Beach, FL. {Hurricane Michael nearly blew it [literally] off the map this past October ’18.}

I’ve had an affinity for this stretch of land on the Panhandle for a couple decades. Visited there a couple times. Made a bid back in ’02 to purchase an old fisherman’s motel (“old” referring to the building ~ not the anglers!) with desires to turn it into a B&B. That plan did not come to fruition. Onward. Yet still … the pull of the area has long tugged. Therefore, I made this sojourn. Gathering data. Meeting people. Some great people!

I am presently back in the Nashville area – and now is the time that I am collating that data, listing impressions made, finding connecting or disparate threads among the info on stickie notes, backs of envelopes or a corner of a paper menu, from collected business cards and pamphlets. Yet first …. I found that I really needed to ‘decompress’ from all the Doing (not to mention driving) for nearly 3 weeks.  I truly required sitting still. 

Plenty of loved ones and friends ask me what-was-I-going-to-do-now. They gave their impressions, thoughts and ideas (mainly from the e-‘s and texts I’d sent along the way). They gave encouragement, support, “woohoo’s” and love. And … “what now?”‘

It wasn’t until I came across e.e. cummings’ quote that I am able to explain: “what now” has to do with, ultimately, how I FEEL about all the data, and experiences, and people, and …and….and.

I have this wonderful (to me) ability to think and recall in what I call ‘video’. If someone is describing something, I am simultaneously ‘painting a picture’ in my Mind’s eye.  As they add, or subtract, details, the picture – or film – gets morphed – at the same time. Don’t know how or why … I simply ‘hear’ and ‘think’ in pictures!  Moreover, as I go back and review the scene, meeting, event, connection, I pick up on ‘vibes’ that were occurring that I was possibly unaware of – at the time. The subtle energies emanating from them ~ and within me ~ that I was not consciously aware of – at the time. (Hey ~ the blatant energies are pretty easy to pick up in the here-and-now!!Hahaha !!)  Yet subconsciously …. yes indeedy do …. it’s all recorded.

“What now” entails feeling, and listening to, those vibes / energies / emotions connected to the data. Some of it deeply challenges the suppositions I have carried about myself ~ about a place ~ about a purpose.  Yet … that’s really okay for me today. It helps clarify my Me … to me!  The more (and more and more) that happens, the truer I am to myself, and in my interactions with others. Ultimately … isn’t that the goal?!

To be …. Nobody-but-yourself.