“Patience is natural to those who trust.”Helen Schucman / William Thetford, co-authors “Course in Miracles” (1st edition, 1975).
I recall a phrase while growing up: Patience is a virtue. While there were implications this phrase came from some biblical reference, the exact phrase is not there, or at least not found by moi. (However, Lou Rawls did a great song about it! Ha!!)
I do think truth lies in the quote above. If I am trusting of a person, I have more patience with them and their picadillos. (Usually much easier if they are a child. One tends to cut slack for the beginning and learning stages of childhood. Or actually, the infancy of any endeavor!) I can trust the mechanic, the friend, the server (and unseen chef) in a restaurant, the co-worker, the healthcare and wellness provider, even a local politician. This is especially true connected to past experiences with them, if I have found them to be trustworthy: in the veracity of their word, follow-up actions, and ‘services provided.’
In other words, they don’t ‘blow smoke’ up the pant leg, they don’t evade and avoid, they don’t constantly make excuses or change the story as to why …. the service they were providing ~ or the meal prepared ~ the haircut given ~ or the project being worked on, ~ the confidence shared, or, or, or….. were not up to ‘standards promised.’ Wow ~ deal breaker! That’s where trust gets broken.
(Pssst…. this deal works both ways; so Self: pay attention!) Is someone in my close world not trusting me? Am I not walking the walk (vs simply talking the talk)? Do my actions match my words? Am I consistent with my boundaries (verbally, spiritually, action-ally)? If the answers, after honest, thought-full examination are ‘yes I am’, then their lack of trust (of me) is their stuff, and I cannot change it. I can practice some level of patience, yet not be placating, condescending, or excuse-making which simply keeps the exchange alive and off-course..
I realize I have a naivete that’s been part of my psychic framework most all my life. I simply trust that some one or some thing (such as a product) is going to do what it is ‘advertised’ to do. I tend not to ‘start the day’ assuming I’m going to get screwed, cheated, harmed in any fashion, or experience some other nefariously-planned repercussions by the people I encounter, products I use, or service providers I may be planning on seeing. I assume they are trustworthy – worthy of my trust..
Where I have lost ‘patience’ is when encounters have been proven to be untrustworthy. Most usually, more than once. (I admit, it does take me a while to acknowledge the continued behavior wasn’t an anomaly. Ha!) Then, well….upon the expectation of future-like-encounters, I tend to project difficulty and kerfuffle taking place before the encounter even starts. (Of course, what makes it worser, is I have not said anything straightforwardly and constructively.) Interesting cycle of trust ~ lose trust ~ project untrustworthyness. Jeesh! Where does it stop?! (Another Pssst….that was not a rhetorical question!)
Well. First with me. Am I behaving trustworthy? Am I speaking my truth? Am I upholding my boundaries? Am I practicing patience with me as I change my thinkings and behaviors? If I am ~ well bravo and confetti time!
If it really is “Them” and their repetitive behaviors, then it’s time to ask myself why I keep returning to them for that support, meal, mechanical work, wellness help, product. (Just ‘cuz ain’t a good enuff answer!) Each time I do that I am betraying myself. And yes, finding a new mechanic, friend, different co-worker, stylist, restaurant, product, is initially frustrating, and ‘very sometimes’ lonely and scary work. Yet…..the results if I don’t are the old definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Been there, done that.
Solution? Simply have patience with yourself because you DO have growing, soon to be irrefutable, trust in yourself. Wow. Powerful place to be. Go forth. Build trust.
And….. in those immortal tv-land words: “Patience young grasshopper. Patience!”